Sexual Violence Conference

        Rape is frequently a private crisis owing to the isolation that many survivors feel because of a lack of support or the tendency of some to blame us. This creates a unique and difficult set of reactions that may also be experienced by women who have been battered, sexually harassed, abused as children, robbed violently, or hurt by other forms of violence. (In fact, sexual assault and battering often go hand in hand.)
        While no two women respond in the same way, many feelings are common among survivors. You may experience a wide range of reactions immediately after the assault or years later. You are coping with a difficult situation that never should have happened in the first place. There is no one correct or preferred way to deal with the feelings and reactions you may find yourself having. As you move through a healing process, different reactions may intensify or lose intensity. You may experience feelings that you thought you had already addressed.
        Self-blame and feelings of guilt. This is probably one of the most common reactions because of the false yet common myths about rape. We may feel humiliated, ashamed, or embarrassed about what we were forced or coerced to do. We often feel responsible for decisions that we made before the assault that we (or others) may later think led to the assault. Even talking about the sexual assault can be difficult because we risk being disbelieved or rejected. THE TRUTH IS THAT RAPE IS NEVER THE FAULT OF THE VICTIM.
        Isolation. You may feel as though no one can possibly understand. Or you may feel embarrassed that your healing process is taking as long as it is. Family members may be encouraging you to "just put it in the past" or "get on with your life" while your feelings are still very real and troubling. You may not want to talk to anyone about the rape for fear of being disbelieved or rejected.
        Fear, terror, and feeling unsafe. Intense fear may be experienced in many aspects of a woman's life. If you feared for your life or the lives of others during the assault, you may be afraid that the perpetrator will return. You may find that fear and terror become generalized to other areas or to situations that are similar to the assault.
        Anger and rage. While it is normal to feel angry, this emotion can be difficult for women to express. We have been socialized to be nice, to hide our anger. For many women, directing anger toward the perpetrator may feel too threatening or may bring intense feelings of terror. You may sometimes direct your feelings of anger toward others in your life, where it feels safer. While this can be confusing for loved ones, it is normal.
        Loss of control, powerlessness. Rape and sexual abuse rob women of the power and control that they have in that moment. You may feel powerless in general or in certain situations.
        Flashbacks and nightmares. Flashbacks and nightmares can feel overwhelming and frightening, although they are common and normal. A flashback is a memory that is experienced with one or more of the physical senses. A nightmare is a dream that sometimes involves aspects or pieces of the assault but can be combined with other events or aspects of the person's life.
        Changes in sexuality, intimacy. Changes in sexuality are common for women who have been sexually assaulted. While you may experience fear and aversion to sex and intimacy, on the other hand you may want to have more sexual experiences than before the rape. This may change throughout your healing process.
        Spiritual crisis. Sexual assault often results in an intense spiritual crisis, especially for those who have operated within a spiritual framework before the rape. You may feel angry at a supreme being or may lose your faith completely. You may be told that the rape is a punishment for your "sins." The crisis of rape can create a crisis of self at a very personal and deep level.
        Anger turned inward. If you have a hard time recognizing or expressing anger, you may turn it inward. This can lead to forms of depression and suicidal thoughts, feelings, or even attempts. If you experience signs of depression that are long-lasting and don't seem to be alleviated by talking about it with friends, consider seeking help through counseling. Many communities have specialized mental health services for survivors of sexual assault.
        Grief and loss. You may experience loss in many ways. For many women, rape or abuse may have conflicted with our ideas of whom we can trust or where we are safe. Throughout the healing process, you may experience grief over parts of your life that you felt you missed. Some survivors talk about a loss of innocence or a loss of their sense of power.